Beauty and the Beast
18 Oct 2010 Leave a Comment
I am in a really intense initiation process.
I seem to have a backlog of things, from this life or another one I don’t know, that are bubbling up to the surface right now because I am actually in a stable, secure place where I can handle it. I think. In my journey to become enlightened, I’ve been asking to integrate and love every single part of my human experience.
Wow, that was a bell that can’t be un-rung.
I want to say, I am ready for this to be over yesterday. Over the past few months, and most intensely lately I’ve been experiencing a lot of uncomfortable emotions like fear, anger, and depression. Sometimes I know what it’s about, but most of the time I don’t. Most of the time it just feels like emotional or physical pain. I also feel like over the past several months I’ve become disconnected from a lot of friends that used to be very close because I can’t afford the energy that I used to spend on them, and because I am so freaking sensitive that I can’t deal with anyone else’s stuff right now.
It’s hard for me, because I have studied a lot of Abraham Hicks and I really do believe in trying to find the best feeling thought and trying to move up the emotional scale. I don’t want to wallow in my misery. I want to break the negative-feeling patterns. A big part of me wants to be like ok, what is this drama about, I am ready to just be ok now. Get over it!
That isn’t working out so well for me, though. The more I try to push it away, the worse it gets. It’s like a chinese finger trap.
So, this morning when I woke up, and there it was, I just said “hi.” No scolding it, no saying “why me” “why now” or “go away”. I am experiencing pain right now, and that is ok. I think it’s great that I am in a place in my life where I can go through this healing process. I love it that I can feel many things at once, and that pain is not the only thing I am feeling right now. I am grateful for this opportunity to cultivate compassion for myself. It’s not the entirety of me, but it isn’t not-me either. I am done with the battle, and the kicking and screaming — I am going to try to learn how to dance with it.
Reminding myself of simple things
20 Aug 2010 1 Comment
I hereby propose that the people who get the most done, go the farthest, last the longest, are the ones who really know how to take care of themselves. Because, anyone can get exhausted about anything, and you can spend as much energy on something as you want.
Abraham would say, ‘overwhelm’ is when you’re summoning more life force to flow through you than you’re allowing.
The overarching theme of August, for me, has been exhaustion. So! I have come to a point where I want to consciously make an effort to baby myself, to see if I can coax my body into allowing greater and greater amounts of life force energy to flow through it.
I’m going to focus on making use of things that are easily and immediately available in my current environment. Here is what I am going to do:
- push the water. At least 8 glasses a day.
- push the fluids — non-caffeinated tea, juice, soup
- breathe deeply. It’s amazing that two of the most relaxing and healing ingredients to life, air and water, are available to most of us in unlimited supply and we don’t take full advantage of them. This is perhaps the hardest for me of all of them, because most of my breathing isn’t conscious.
- no caffeine. I have been working on this project all month and think I’m finally past the cravings and headaches. Yay!
- stretch, every morning
- meditate, every morning
- go to the sauna. I keep forgetting that I bought a bunch of passes a while back that I have hardly used.
- if I need to and have the time, if it feels good, I am going to permit myself an afternoon nap
- be on the lookout for more simple things to incorporate
Additionally, I am eyeing this 8-week program for beginning runners.
